One night, after too many whiskey sours, the conversation among a group of my closest friends and I turned to sex.
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We're not a judge-y group, nor are we bashful when it comes to providing the intimate rough of our sex lives. And, yet, when one of my friends revealed that she falls off the orgasmic cliff when her www joswap com calls her a "whore" just as she's about to come, she lowered her eyelids to the table.
She seemed almost apologetic. In a really good way. One by one, the "degrading sex" dominoes began to fall. One friend confessed she finds it hot when her husband slaps her with his penis. Another begs her boyfriend to ejaculate on her face while she kneels at his feet. Are my friends just a bunch of freaks? Actually, far from it — they're all successful, strong, intelligent women who are in solid relationships.
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And as they confessed, they each added some version of the same caveat to their sex anecdotes: Many of us have forgotten that being a strong woman who demands equal pay for equal work and supports the rights and equality of all genders doesn't mean we aren't entitled to our idiosyncratic turn-ons — particularly if those turn-ons involve being submissive to a man.
And the fact that the acts described by my friends are considered "degrading" may be part of the problem. As they confessed, they each added some version of the same caveat women their sex anecdotes: Paul Hokemeyera licensed marriage and family therapist who is a certified clinical trauma specialist. On the surface, being dominated seems demeaning; in the world at large, that is the case. But in the intimacy of a sexual encounter it puts the women in charge of her body and her rough.
In pop culture, the women who indulge in the submissive role in BDSM sex having to be meek themselves, like Anastasia Steele in 50 Shades of Greywho succumb to the dominant sexual fantasies of a powerful, somewhat psychotic man. But sex real life, the personality traits of women who get a kick out of rape fantasies are far more varied.
Sex "docile" is probably the last adjective you'd use to describe them. Holly Richmonda certified sex therapist and somatic psychologist. Both positions require a great degree of authority, dependability ensuring others are taken care ofand self-discipline.
Being dominated means that sex woman does not have to make any decisions and the burden of responsibility can be shed for a time. To the uninitiated, submissive sex may seem like an excuse having a woman to get treated like crap because she views herself as crap women meaning, she's insecure.
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Nothing could be further from the truth. At its root, the desire to be "taken" is actually about having the highest form of power over a man, Richmond explains. Being thrown on a bed and even held down makes the submissive feel like her partner cannot control himself or keep his hands off of her. He wants her and only her.
She is so sexy and desirable that he can't help but ravage her, Richmond suggests. Of course, your feminist or rather, human antenna may have perked up at the rock of love ashley nude pics of being held down, or forced, rough a sexual situation. It's crucial to make a distinction between consensual sexual pleasure that involves acts both partners have agreed upon, and nonconsensual assaults that bring one person pleasure at the expense of the other.
There's no shame is feeling turned on by masochistic sex acts. If you're rough to try somethingthere's no reason why you can't float your fantasies having your partner and find out if he's on board.
But conversation is key. Without it, could easily be misunderstood by your partner, damage your relationship, and even put your mental and emotional health at risk. Gail Saltza psychiatrist, psychoanalyst, best-selling author, and host of the Power of Different podcast.
This will likely take multiple conversations, both inside and outside the bedroom, with lots of feedback from your partner [to make sure] they too are comfortable with this type of sexual play.
As long as you're in control of having and how you engage in and define submissive sex — whether that to you means being held down, wearing a collar and leash, begging for his penis, and, well, I could go on and on — there's women shame in your game.
Sex what you like, express it like a boss, and give both yourself and your partner serious pleasure. Follow Redbook on Facebook. Type keyword s to search.
Why Women Like Rough Sex - Why Women Like Being Dominated
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