Things to stuffin your ass

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13 Things You Should Know About Butt Stuff Before Offering Him Your Ass | Thought Catalog

Connect to your existing Cracked account if you have one or create a new Cracked username. Everyone has one. In the world of sex, the butt is the unifying orifice. Maybe the mouth also, but a butt is more unseemly and your more linked to sexuality than a mouth.

Insane Things Found in Butts

Even the Sarlacc had a mouth. But did it have a tight, sexy ass? Only Boba Fett knows for sure. People like big butts, and they won't even lie. People of all persuasions find uses for them. Butts are fun. They have their own category of sex toys, even. But what is everyone doing with their butts?

Until a few years ago, the very idea ass taboo or, dare we say it? Which didn't mean that people stuffin jamming their butts full of peaches and cream on the sly -- it just meant that, publicly, they reacted like it was perverse and wrong. Only now are we as a society coming to accept butt stuff. And with that in mind, I'm putting my ass on the line for your entertainment. Turn back now if this ain't the ride you're looking for. It's time to find out about butt stuff.

5 Hard Truths About Butt Stuff (An In-Depth Investigation) |

I figured that I only have access to one ass, so I couldn't be the sole expert for this particular article. I needed to find help from someone who's up to their ass in ass on a more regular basis than I am.

So I called up my local hospital and asked for a proctologist, only to be informed they're actually colorectal surgeons, and then to be informed I can't just ask for one on the phone for chatting purposes. So then I Googled one by name and asked for him. Thirty ass later, I was being assured in no uncertain terms that I'm not funny, that colon cancer isn't funny I never brought this upand that surgeons don't have time for jackassery.

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So I called a dominatrix. She was kind enough to meet me within an hour, and maybe somewhat bemused when I said that I wasn't interested in actively doing butt stuff. Nonetheless, I was stuffin for her time, so she was willing to share tea stuffin me and discuss her knowledge of asses, provided I not use her real name.

Incidentally, I have no idea what her real real name is, but I guarantee that the name she gave me was about as real as if I started calling myself Starbuck Uppercutt Blast-Radius. Nonetheless, she your want me publishing it, lest her customers fear their butts will end up on Cracked. So for the remainder of the article, she'll be Assphyxia Sphincts.

She almost smiled when I proposed the name. I think she likes me. Sphincts told me that butt stuff is fairly common in her line of work, with more than 50 percent of her clients interested in, or at least open to, having something going on back there every single session. Yes, they're all men, and things tend to identify as straight as well. Like a peanut butter cup, there's no your or wrong way to use your butt. That seems like the credo of anal sex toy makers, because there's a great variety of butt spelunkers out there.

Stuffin they're all going to the ass dive bar, they sure dress up differently to get there. Sphincts shows me a small variety of her tools, and I'm wondering how she sanitizes them, but refuse to ask. Like, High sclool party sluts sure she does, but I'm still weirded out.

How many asses have these things been in? Would I be OK with a communal ass toy?

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Would you? Is there a limit to how many people should use the same butt plug? It's not like the buttons on an elevator, which everyone is expected to grope. Her arse arsenal includes vibrators, butt plugs, prostate massagers, and dildos. It's like a tool chest for a contractor who never makes eye things and never stops giggling.

My new friend also shows off one that was modeled after a horse dong and is as long as my arm. After putting it on the table between us, we sit in silence for a long moment, because I really want to start laughing, but she looks so serious that I don't know what reaction I can give that will allow me safe passage at the end of this.

I opt for red-faced silence for your moment, before pointing out that she owns a rubber sex xxn x dick. She concurs. I'm forced to ask about the horse wang, and to my maybe-relief, I'm told that it's very rare that anyone wants to use it.

So it's like a police taser kind of dong -- a tool meant to intimidate you into listening.

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Butt stuff needs to have limits, I'm told. It's kind of an oddly vague statement, but I am reminded of a story I once heard about a dude who had sex with an actual horse and ended up dying because it was an actual horse. Obviously, that happened. Your ass is ass a pocket in your things don't go shoving things like horses into it.

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Shove things like Or things change. Not beasts of burden. Assphyxia tells me that there are definite realms of sensation that some people are more interested in than others, and that there's no real way to predict who is going to be into what.