Spike the dragon porn

Part of me wants to nope out of here, but at the same time, i'm morbidly curious. I'll track it for now. I'm the same.

It's hot as hell, but stories that have fetishes change someone forever and affect those around spike Even if she went to Ember or the Dragon Lands, it would be unlikely to run into Barb. IF she ran into Barb, they wouldn't really know it was Spike from the appearance change to personality change and such.

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Now, I realize you aren't a triple Pulitzer prize-winning author or anything, but what I've seen from the first chapter seems very amateurish. Please do not take offence, because the story itself is good, but the grammar and delivery need a bit of work.

First, you need to decide on whether to write in present or past tense. For instance, if two characters are talking and you write "Twilight said" and then "Spike says" this is grammatically incorrect. Personally I would recommend going with past tense, as it is the most widely used because it gives the reader the indication that the events of the story have already taken place, and are therefore set and irreversible. Secondly you should work on gently working through plot points instead of blatantly writing them. Just saying that spike put the potions on the same table as his juice works, but it's kind of plain.

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Instead, try describing the layout of the room first by saying that the work stations and potion racks all surround a central table, and that spike puts his juice to the side at FIRST, and then puts the potions on the empty table to sort out later. But, as the work wears him down, he carelessly puts his juice on the central table where the potions are, a simple mistake with grave consequences.

This makes the turn of events more tragic, as the mistake was one made due to exhausted carelessness instead of simple stupidity. Plus, the way it's written now seems more like something "baby" Spike would do, but "adult" Spike is convinced that he is older and therefore wouldn't make the same mistakes he would have made as a child. Having him make the smart, adult decision to put his juice to the side so that he doesn't mix them up, only to become careless later makes him a victim of his, now her, own hubris.

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Again, I hope that you do not take my first comment as an insult. Writing is hard and it's really tricky to get everything to come out the way you want it.

There will always be some flaw that someone points out in a new work. I just hope my advice helps you in any way, because you are a good writer, you just have things to work on, just the same as everyone else, myself included. Good luck. She should at least know what happened to him. Now, how much she figured past that, appearance, where he went, etc. I can't coco nudes ass shots. Then I hope that you will enjoy the Bonus Chapter as soon as I have the time to write it!

I thank you for your critique. I know that I'm dragon the weak writer on the non-cloppy bits and I just finished editing the first chapter a bit. I hope it dragon better now. Technically Spike moved more than just one unlabeled potion, so that porn it a tad more complicated.

Of course she still could have probably figured it out because the potion was missing some of it, but in the end she still would have no idea where to look for. It's meant to be like dragon story 'The Tribe' in that way. Barb loving the attention and never to be the by Twilight. Or at least I'm not writing that she is found by her. It kind of is the open ending in teen titans starfire robin way.

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I can imagine that. Only I have no real plans for her in this story. The Bonus Chapter will be nothing more than more completely shameless clop. It kind of is an open ending, since I have nothing planned about mentioning Twilight's search for Barb.

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I'm glad that you didn't take offense at anything I said, because I know that there are many people that would have. If you ever want my opinion or some advice the the future, or anything else, please don't hesitate to message me, not to say that you need it or that I think so highly of myself, I'm just offering.

I have some projects underway, both clop and not, that I'm working on before posting myself. I look forward to any work of yours in the future. Good luck and stay safe! Can i plz get the link to the full pic? Currently working on a few things, but I wanted to bring the bonus chapter out this month. But no promises! I've gotten a bit behind my plans since I couldn't log in for the past 10 days.

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This fem-Dom college girls nude pussy from the fact that in most of the great predators, with the exception of lions, are sexually porn, favoring females. With that he grabbed spike bottle of apple juice from the fridge an put it under his arm so that he could porn hydrated during his work, while holding a broom in the other and spike bucket with a cloth in his other.

Three arms? This certainly was going to be a big surprise. If only to see their reactions! OK, this chapter left me with a much better feeling, you see Barb being treated well, she's happy, content, and she's not completely disconnected with her old life.

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Glad you liked it! I have to admit I find the thought rather interesting. I mean, Barb walks with a group of male dragons into Ponyville.