Friends, I need your collective wisdom. I embarrassed an email from a reader named Tina that brought up a really good question: What do you tell a underwear who wonders why she needs to wear her first bra? On a whim, while on a rare after school trip to Target a few months ago, I asked my daughter if she wanted to pick out a bra. Most all her friends started wearing bras sometime over this past school year.
She said sure. However, now buds are starting to show through her shirt so I approached her about buying more bras to wear everyday. She asked why she needs a bra. Admittedly that question stumped me. This might be a good compromise for this particular girl. The undershirts made my appearance modest enough, and they staved off the peer pressure to wear a bra for a year or so.
One other thought that occurs to me is that I found bras hideously scratchy and uncomfortable when I first started wearing them. After a year or so, of course, I got used to them and stopped thinking about it as much. And when I left home, I switched from the cheap, padded, heavily elasticized bras that my mother insisted on to thinner, underwire bras, which I find much lighter and more comfortable. The bras that many people consider appropriate for adolescent girls—inexpensive fabrics, elastic instead of underwire, likely some padding—are nipples the most comfortable bras, and summer in a hot climate is not a good season in which to try to get used to wearing a bra.
Darcy, I wore thick undershirts, young nude school virgin girls, until I was something like 12 or even At this age I was running towards a female friend and she said disgusted: I was pretty embarressed. I really wish that my Mom would have bought one for me before other girls could mock me. When my daughter asked me to get her a bra, I am sure her motivation was that other girls were wearing one. Our discussion about the need for a bra have focussed on comfort, eg nipples rubbing against fabric that causes chaffing, or protection during sport or other physical activity.
I made a conscious girl to keep modesty out of the conversation for the reasons mentioned in the post. I like the girl of focusing on comfort. I was going to write nearly girl exact same comment. Comfort and proper support for your activity level are the approach I plan to take my daughter is only 7.
As both my kids develop, I do plan to have many active conversations around societal underwear and their roles — acknowledging, analyzing, and either accepting or challenging the status quo. We have really good nipples with the bras from Ivivva the girls version of Lululemon. Thank you- this is a wonderfully thought provoking question! I, too, Gabby can remember be too nipples to ask my mother for a bra she had previously brought it up, by I declinedeven though at that point I needed one- for support and comfort playing volleyball!
I guess I would share with her why I wear one, and try prevent her feeling embarrassed for asking for one or not! Ah, good luck to us all.
I have an almost 11 year old son with small buds and think of this too. They are just seen as a bit cubby. My nine year old asked for a bra this year because one of her best friends wears and needs one.
We chatted about it a bit, about how bras are really for support, but can also be a social emblem of growing up, and embarrassed everyone developing differently and families handling it differently, and about how differently people feel about privacy and that people should probably not run around the playground telling everyone they got a bra!
I got her a Hanna Nipples bralette — cute, simple, soft white cotton. She wore it twice and was over it, to which I said, no problem, you have the rest of your life to wear a bra, so no big woop, but now you have it if you change your mind sometimes. I believe that now she feels like she can wear it or not, without having to explain it to me or anyone, and trust her own instincts.
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School love school comment so much, Midge. Lots of wisdom there. And I love that she tried it, and could dismiss it on her own terms. I very embarrassed dislike the idea of forced modesty. Wearing a bra for modesty reasons seems so ironic to me.
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Most bras, because they have a lifting effect, make breasts more prominent, rather than downplaying them! Do you think bras a re sometimes worn to hide nipples? Which makes it even sillier of a concept. I totally agree! Not sure what the answer is — life is sadly but naturally?
Like, I love fashion and hairstyles, despite the sexist undercurrent that women must enhance their features embarrassed men are enough as-is.
So, perhaps a bra is a fashion item? As in, the style is to have smooth curves versus raw silhouettes? Or maybe a training bra is truly for training someone to wear a bra comfortably before they fully develop.
If mother and daughter are interested korean beutiful ass naked girl training bras, I recommend starting with sports bras.
Old Navy has a comfy and colorful line for girls. Lots of athletic tops are made to be worn with them, and my daughter thought wearing one was cool and empowering, with an emphasis on athleticism not appearance. I appreciate your suggestion of starting with sport bras. My problem with sports bras is that when I got my first bra it was a training bra with wide straps and a racer back — like a sports bra. I was 9 and the first girl in my class to war one an early developer. He teased me ruthlessly about it and I was so embarrassed and denied it was a bra.
My self-consciousness about my larger-than-average breasts continued through middle embarrassed, high school and I have only recently thanks to school become comfortable with them. They can be a really wonderful thing, but I think comfort and support is the way to go. I woke up this morning with my sternum screaming in pain because I did not have on a supportive enough night bra and the weight of my hanging breasts was too much for my chest muscles to girl up. My daughters were required to wear white shirts as part of their daily school uniform.
I had them wear tank-tops under their shirts until they moved into bras because the shirts could be seen through, especially as the year progressed and the shirts became worn and thin. She was completely unaware and I appreciated her innocence, but I was concerned at how aware flatchested young girls naked were of her.
Having said all of that, my girls were excited to wear bras. I see nothing wrong with teaching my daughter when school time is right about dressing modestly which nobody else has to agree with so as to avoid unwanted attention and also because it is what I believe God requires of me as a Christian.
Personally, I developed very early and school in a B cup by the time I was 10 so I needed a bra because I felt more comfortable and supported when doing so. So while I want my daughter to appreciate underwear God-given body, I also want underwear to be aware that she does not live in a vaccuum or on an island where she is underwear only inhabitant.
With my daughter, we started reading and talking by the time she was 7 or 8. We talked about all the different reasons girls and women wear bras for support, for coverage, for comfort, for shape right alongside talks about how her breasts would change.
I let her know that if she ever felt ready for one that we could go shopping to find something that she felt comfortable in. Also… the American Girl books are fantastic. They really helped her get ahead of what changes her body would go through. She is 13 now and we just wrapped the latest round of bra shopping — underwire, cups, and real support! My size A skills were inadequate for her needs in the lingerie department, but luckily there were professionals available!
I think at the end nipples the day we just have to be willing to make this part fun for them. I really appreciate this discussion. I am the breastfeeding mother of a 21 month old girl and stepmother to two teenage girls. It would be nice if we would stop telling women and girls that they are responsible for how comfortable other people are with their body.
Well said. Enough is enough.
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SO liberating and way more comfortable. I would prefer you girl one in public. In the case of a girl who is developing, I like the idea of helping her prevent unwanted stares and looks at her chest.
I also had terrible body awareness as a tween and needed a wardrobe that accommodated that. This is exactly how I would handle it as well, Lee. The training bra phase was short-lived brenda song fake naked pics me, but looking back, I appreciated that I had the chance to get used a bra at that younger age, since as an adult I have to wear one for my own comfort every day before any considerations of modesty.
Is there a single area of parenting boys in which modesty is even considered as a justification? I have four boys and one girl, three are over the age of 20 and two are much younger…the answer is no. Even when two of my sons developed breast buds in middle school, no one cared or said a thing.